Nicholas Tay
Navya Prasad
12 Feb 2023
Situationships: The Grey Area of Relationships
Youths are trying to redefine relationships. NICHOLAS TAY and NAVYA PRASAD find out more.
At first sight, one might think they are a couple but the reality of it is that amongst Gen-Zs, most are actually in situationships. (Photo credit: SIDHARTH NAIR)
Imagine two teenagers going to watch a movie. They hold hands, watch the sunset and have dinner before sending each other home. But here’s the catch: They aren’t in a relationship. This, in today’s terms, is also known as a ‘situationship’.
In the past, the mere thought of this happening would be deemed impossible. But now, times have changed. According to an article by The Straits Times on Jul 6, 2022, there was a 13.4 percent increase in divorces and failed relationships from 2020 to 2022. This increase in failed relationships has caused Gen-Zs to rethink what relationships truly are. They fear commitment and have misunderstandings about relationships. As a result, they have chosen to engage in situationships.
“Situationships have helped me commit to something less serious so that I could focus on the more important parts of my life, such as my career,” said Rick Eng, 24, who has been in multiple situationships.
Social Media is seen to be a catalyst for the acceptance of situationships. On TikTok, videos tagged #situationship have been viewed more than 839 million times, glorifying the idea that situationships are okay.
Although the term ‘situationship’ was trending in 2022, a survey by The Visionary showed that many Gen-Zs themselves don’t agree with this lifestyle. “I know that almost all of my friends are stuck in some form of situationship, it’s weird to think how common it has become,” said a survey respondent.
Situationship, the new term is now on the rise and seen as a common occurrence amongst youth. (Photo Credit: The Visionary)
In Singapore, schools don’t talk about managing healthy relationships. As such, youths dive into relationships without knowing what to do, leading to unhealthy relationships. An article by NSPCC Learning, a United Kingdom society for children, said that education about healthy relationships is mandatory in British schools.
“What's crucial is to have education about emotional literacy, even if it's just learning to understand yourself. Usually, these basic skills to regulate emotions are missing,” said Dian Karina, 38, a psychologist.
Emotional baggage from past relationships is another factor that keeps the cycle of unhealthy relationships running. Ms Adelia Chan, 19, is in a committed relationship. However, when she first started her relationship, there were a lot of complications. Ms Chan said: “At first, we weren't stable at all. We kept bringing in unhealthy stuff from the past into our current relationship.”
“What (youths) are doing is bringing past experiences into their current relationships. ‘If my first relationship didn't work out, and now, I'm scared. So I take all of that fear and I bring it into my current relationship,’” added Donovan Teo, 30, a counsellor for relationships at Ngee Ann Polytechnic.
Due to these experiences from past relationships, many youths have become afraid to commit to relationships. As a result, they act withdrawn, even in a relationship, which could cause issues with their partner.
“A relationship is too much commitment for me. I'd rather stay in a situationship because it's less stressful. It's less binding and more just having fun and enjoying,” said Mr Eng.
Therefore, situationships can be a healthy and stress-free way for youths to learn and understand each other before they choose to commit to a relationship.
However, like all good things, situationships can become unhealthy if handled incorrectly.
“Situationships are stressful when there is no end result and middle ground. I can’t set any expectations and we don’t know where to move on from this,” said a respondent in a survey by The Visionary.
“The nature of a (situationship) is that it’s uncertain. The parties involved might not exactly know what's the line, because the definition isn’t there,” said Mr Eng.
As both parties continue to engage in situationships, there is a high chance that one party may develop deeper feelings and expectations for their partner, causing the situationship to become unhealthy and stressful, especially if their feelings aren’t reciprocated.
So, what does this mean for the future of relationships?
Youths are redefining the definition of relationships. They are challenging the norm of having ‘one big family’ which is heavily prevalent in Singapore’s society.
“Youths are moving away from traditional relationships towards open relationships with more flexibility. It is up to them to decide the future,” said Mr Teo.
